why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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