Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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