I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
