Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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