I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
