I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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