he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
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She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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