So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
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i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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