Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dignity is for republicans.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
