Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
