so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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