I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize