did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
