new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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