so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
dude i'm inner monologue high
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
