So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
