Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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