I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize