I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
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True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
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I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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