Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
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I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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