At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
