Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
