I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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