2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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