What did we do last night that was yellow?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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