Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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