I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
