When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
