I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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