once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
