I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
