I looked at my own cervix.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
