4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I cockslap morals
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
