mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Who put my cat in the fridge?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
