i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
