Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
