Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Do you still have your period?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
