she looked like the before picture.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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