Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
