That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize