Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
