i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
