I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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