i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
home. puking in laundry basket.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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