Where is the hickey?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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