I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
