What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
