let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Randomize
