I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
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