I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
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He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
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Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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