I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The power of my boobs compel you
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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