Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
