Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
