i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
