I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
