You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
