I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
