I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My legs feel like baby dolphins
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
