her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
