im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
