Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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