my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
