We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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