I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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