You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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