So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
