I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
