I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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