Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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