3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
