Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
