Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
