I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
